First believe, then see

In this blog I explore 'trust' on different levels: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

As a parent, you want your child to grow into a happy, confident individual who faces life with confidence. But how do you build that trust? How do you cultivate it in yourself as a parent and in your child? What better way than to believe in yourself and your child first, and then see how that impacts the situation.

Trust, what is that?

But what exactly is trust? And how do you develop trust in yourself as a parent, and also in your child?

Is trust a physical thing?

Trust is built by climbing trees as a child, falling out, and "knowing" it will be okay, catching yourself, and continuing to climb. So yes, trust is indeed a physical state.

An exercise to build your physical confidence is to feel the feeling of trust in your body. Think of a situation where you felt confident: in yourself, in your child, in a positive outcome. Feel how this feels in your body. Where do you feel it? At the back of your left thigh, in the muscle of your right arm, or just under the skin near your chest. And what do you feel? A tingling, a twinge, or a gentle pressure. Feel this fully and tell yourself to double the sensation. And again. Focus on this physical sensation for as long as possible.

Is trust a mental thing?

You build trust by telling yourself, "I am confident about…"—and then filling in what resonates with you, such as, "I am confident about choosing the right words when I approach this conversation with my child." If you repeat certain thoughts often enough—during meditation and visualization—they will become beliefs. When you then encounter a stressful parenting situation, this belief will ensure you approach the conversation with more confidence.

If you often have (unconscious) thoughts that arise spontaneously in a given situation and undermine your confidence, these also become beliefs, and these beliefs will lower your confidence in a difficult parenting situation. For example, if you believe that "teenagers don't clean up after themselves," seeing plates of food leftovers in your child's room will make you feel bad. This bad feeling will hinder your creative thinking in the situation, and the outcome will therefore be more likely to be negative. You'll be more likely to "demand" that it be cleaned up immediately – because you want to get rid of this unpleasant feeling and therefore the situation NOW.

If you believe that "teenagers clean up after themselves," you'll react differently in the same situation. You can remain calm, say nothing at that moment, and confidently ask when it's a good time to talk about it. Trust that you know there's a good reason why it hasn't happened yet, that your child feels that rules provide safety, and that you'll talk about it later.

So trust is also a mindset.

To build your mental confidence, you can incorporate a guided meditation and visualization into your daily routine. This involves becoming aware of beliefs that undermine your confidence, examining them, and deciding they are incorrect. You then decide to let go of these beliefs. Then, you express a new belief that resonates more with you and strengthens your confidence. You repeat this during meditation and visualization, and throughout the day, look for evidence that your new belief is correct.

Is trust an emotion?

When you look at the 100 emotions from the Ruler system, you'll see that trust isn't among them. In my opinion, trust comes closest to feeling safe, calm, balanced, peaceful, and carefree. If you're often confident enough and have experienced the corresponding energy in your relationship with your parents or other caregivers, when you're about to do something difficult, you'll automatically be confident that you can do it. So yes, trust also has an emotional component.

You can build emotional trust by doing an energetic exercise, such as placing both hands on your stomach and waiting for some relief: a deep sigh, a yawn, or a calmer feeling in your body. Then you can place both hands on your chest and also wait for some relief. Finally, place both hands behind your neck and wait for another deep sigh, a yawn, or a calmer feeling in your body. This can take a few minutes and you can do it at any time of the day, for example, just before going to sleep.

Is trust a spiritual thing?

When you trust the collective whole, the feeling of being supported, and the powerful force of love, you give yourself backing when things don't go as you'd hoped. Trust connects you to a deeper purpose and meaning in your parenting, so yes, trust is also a spiritual thing. As The Course in Miracles says: you have two angels supporting you, whom you can rely on: infinite patience and perfect trust (K. Janson, annual training, 2023).

You can build spiritual trust by, for example, going to a place in the woods, in a city, or at home where you feel comfortable. Go to that place and feel how it feels. How does comfort feel in your body? What makes this space feel comfortable? Feel the peace that the space exudes and also feel that you are being supported. Supported, for example, by the earth; feel the gravity in your body. The earth holds you close. Or supported by the energy around you; the love that is always present. Also, experience what it is that gives you this comfort. Is it the grandeur of the forest or the trees? Let it fully sink in.

You can learn to have confidence

So, trust can be learned with all four of your bodies. An emotion you can evoke, a belief you can hold, a physical sensation you can amplify, and a kind of "knowing" you can experience; an intuitive feeling that you can trust through the process of your upbringing. You build physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual trust by knowing you already have it (however small) and by increasing that trust from there, for example, by seeing more evidence of it around you.

First believe, and then see what positive changes this will bring about in your life and in the lives of your children.